Flourishing Spiritually: Practicing Communication.

Dear Daughter,

It is 10:46pm, and I am thinking of you. I am not sure who you are, but I feel it so heavily on my heart to tell you today not to run away, but to communicate, in your relationship with God. 

Love, over the last few days, I have to be honest, Jeefry and I were going through a bit of a challenging time. Spending time with one another felt difficult, and it seemed like there was bitterness between us, like we weren’t “getting one another,” and like there was a wall blocking our intimacy and friendship. A big part of our challenge, we learned, was because we weren’t communicating our needs and thoughts to one another. 

After a few hard days, I hung out with friends who told me straight up that we both needed to communicate better to one another. He and I also talked to our church pastor who helped us realize that that is an area where we need to grow, and boy did we need to hear those things. I learned that I need to do a lot better at communicating than I thought. 

Tonight, all I can think is “how much do I go through difficult times or ‘dry seasons’ with God where all that I need to do is communicate what I am feeling to Him? How many times instead of communicating with God through a difficult time with Him, do I run away, ignore what’s on my heart, or refuse to share what’s on my heart because I think that it doesn’t really matter? How often do I myself think I’m doing pretty well communicating with God but actually have so much more to share with Him about the things on my heart?” Do you experience similar things?

There have been so many times, love, where I try to have my regular quiet times with God or try to pray, but it’s really hard to focus or be motivated. Do you ever get like that? Looking back, I recognize that many of the moments (not all of the time) where I find it hard to pray or have my usual “God time” it’s because there was something eating away at my heart that I needed to tell Him. Sometimes that “thing” eating away at my heart was feeling discontent in my relationship with God, was struggling with unconfessed sin, was dealing with an area where I lacked faith, felt like a need was lacking, was maybe even just stressed, or maybe had something bothering me in my life and other relationships that I needed to pray and work through.

For the last three weeks, I have actually been reading through the book of Job with a group as we attempt to journey chronologically through the Old Testament. In the book, Job is experiencing heartbreak after heartbreak in the midst of tragedies in his life, and one of the things that has consistently stood out to me was Job’s ability to communicate with God about what he was going through. He was so honest with God. He revered God, but also asked his questions and shamelessly shared his brokenness. Key here: He was honest. Shamelessly honest.

One of the members of the group pointed out that though Job is in a difficult place, saying this…

‘“I long for the years gone by when God took care of me, when he lit up the way before me and I walked safely through the darkness. When I was in my prime, God’s friendship was felt in my home.’

Job 29:2-4

Here, Job is still communicating his sorrow with God. My friend noticed that this, Job’s communication with God,  shows that even in a hard place, Job and God experienced intimacy in their relationship. Oh how much I want to experience that and communicate like Job.

Over the last two days, Jay and I have been practising communicating with one another about the things on our hearts, about boundaries we’d like to set, about our likes and dislikes, and there has already been SO much fruit. It was SO worth it to talk through the uncomfortable things and be vulnerable with one another. (Let me highlight that like in our case, sometimes you do need someone’s help to help you process and begin communicating.) I am so grateful that God placed people in my life that pushed me to communicate my heart. Now love, I want to share that encouragement with you. 

So darling, are you sensing that there is something that you need to communicate with God about? Do you need to communicate better with your partner? Your friends? Don’t run away amor. Communicating is worth it. 

Pray with me?:  God, thank you so much that you want to communicate with me and that you want me to communicate with you. Help me Lord to be honest with you about what’s on my heart. I pray, Lord, that our intimacy would continue to grow. Help me also Lord to communicate better in all of my other relationships. Thank you for loving me. I love you. 

In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

Here are some things that I have learned over the last few days: 

  1. Communicating is worth it. It sometimes feels very uncomfortable, especially for someone like me who dislikes conflict, but it is so worth enduring that uncomfortable feeling for the sake of intimacy in my relationships. 
  2. Being honest with others requires being honest with myself. 
  3. Lately, I’ve been journaling some of my thoughts and feelings before talking about what I am feeling with others and even sometimes with the Lord because I learned that I process my emotions better that way. I’m learning that that’s what I need and that’s okay. Daughter, how do you best process?  This is good to recognize.
  4. I learned that I need to intentionally make space for communication. My pastor this week advised Jeefry and I to create an intentional time (like weekly dates) to check-in in our relationship. Of course, sometimes we won’t even need the time, but having that space there is so helpful. In what ways can you be more intentional to create check-in moments in your relationship with God and others? 
  5. It all matters. For those of us who hate conflict, I know what it is to feel like your feelings are not “that important” to potentially make a “big deal” out of it. But you matter. How you feel matters.

Thank you for reading love, and I hope with all of my heart that you and I grow in communicating more so that we would have even more intimate relationships with God and others. Let me tell you, communicating my feelings is one of the hardest things for me to do. But honesty, even the simple act of trying has proven worth it. One step at a time, okay. 

  • Ashley 

Daughter, if this has blessed you, please let me know. How can you? You can comment right under this post or email me at sheisallinministries@gmail.com. It means so much when I hear from you and encourages me to keep going. 

Love you with my all! 

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